


Tell Him I'm Sorry

by Rigel126



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Garrison trio, Gen, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Some Tagalog, filipino!lance, it hurt so bad to write this, offscreen relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:19:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7737655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rigel126/pseuds/Rigel126
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the mission to rescue Pidge's father and brother go south, Lance makes a difficult decision to ensure that the Holt family and his comrades make it out alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Him I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> (Cross-posted with a few typo corrections from my Tumblr: http://rigel126.tumblr.com/post/147535813263/tell-him-im-sorry-angstyshance-fanfic-for)
> 
> This is angsty Voltron featuring the Garrison trio with angsty (off-screen) Shance and major character death. This is punishment/gift fic for the lovely Crab Queen @arrafrost who’s destroyed my life by dragging me into the deep end of the Voltron fandom.
> 
> Enjoy (or not, because it ain’t got no happy ending) and let me know what you think. Somewhere on the internet, someone said that crying is like bench-pressing for your tear ducts, and you just need to push through the pain. More notes about the story and my headcanons at the end of the story, if you make it to the end.
> 
> Tags: Filipino!Lance, Garrison trio, girl!Pidge (because lots of fanon tag Pidge as non-binary), The Lord’s Prayer in Tagalog, Hunk, crying, separation, too much angst.

The mission on Alto-Sigma 5 was rapidly turning into a rout against Team Voltron. Shiro, Keith and Allura were busy staving off the Galra fleet in orbit while the Garrison trio struggled with the ground troops, trying to get back to their lions with Pidge’s father and brother. It was an emotional reunion for Pidge when she found them in the prison’s quarters, bone-thin and weak from malnourishment and hard work in the prison-mines.

But halfway on the way back to their Lions and under heavy enemy fire, there was a mighty explosion in the subterranean tunnels. Lance, like the selfless idiot he was, shoved Pidge and Matt out of the way.

Once the rocks stopped collapsing upon their heads, Pidge opened her eyes. “Ow-ow-ow-ow!” she groaned, smarting from being thrown onto the floor. “Hey Lance, next time give me a heads-up before you-“

Her voice got caught in her throat when she caught sight of Lance’s immobile body, partially buried under the rocks.

“Lance!” she and Hunk cried at the same time, surging forward to shove aside the large chunks of rubble off the seemingly unconscious Blue Paladin. Matt and Commander Holt quickly moved in to help as well and within seconds they managed to uncover Lance, but he didn’t look good and his body armor looked badly dented by the minor avalanche.

“Lance!” cried Pidge again. “Wake up!”

“Unh… Shit!” Lance groaned in obvious pain, sweat visible on his coffee-coloured face even with his visor on.

“Are you okay?” Pidge asked, concerned.

Hunk looked down the tunnel and saw more Galra ground troops marching onto their position. “Enemy incoming!” the hulking Yellow Paladin warned. He rose to his feet, summoned his blast cannon bayard and sprayed the enemy troops with suppressing fire.

More groaning from Lance, who was trying to fight off the burning agony in parts of his body. “Not good,” he told Pidge. “My HUD says that I broke two ribs and my left leg – shit!” he hissed when his movements jostled one of his injuries. “And it feels that way too!”

“Matt! Help me carry Lance!”

“No! You guys go ahead,” grunted Lance. He summoned his pulse rifle bayard. “I’ll hold them off for now. You can come get me out once you get to your Lions.”

“Lance, this is no time for crazy heroics and glory-seeking! You need medical help right away!”

“And you need to get Commander Holt and the rest of the civilians out of here,” fired back Lance. “I’ll slow you down and it’ll be impossible to escape.”

“Lance, I’m not leaving you behind!” Hunk protested over the blasting noise of his cannon.

“You’re not leaving me behind. I’m just buying you guys time to get everyone to safety and for you to come rescue me. Matt, help me so that I get a good viewpoint of the tunnel.”

“But Lance –“

“Pidge!” snapped Lance. His voice softened immediately after, almost apologetic. “Katie.”

Pidge gasped at being addressed by her birth name, something her squad-mates almost never did. Hunk’s shooting died down, apparently having destroyed the detachment pursuing them, but it was only a matter of minutes before more came down the same way.

“You’ve been searching for your father and brother for four years. And now they need you to protect them. Don’t waste your efforts from all this time. Don’t waste our effort in finding them.”

Pidge’s eyes were quickly turning moist and her fist clenched tightly around. “You’ll go into shock if we don’t get you to a healing pod soon.”

“I trust you to get me on time.” Lance shot Pidge a cocky grin, one marred with dirt and suppressed pain.

Commander Holt spoke at last. “Thank you, Blue Paladin. I’ll make sure that your teammates come for you as soon as possible. Let’s go, Katie.”

“Dad!” protested Pidge weakly, but logically she knew that Lance was right, and time was quickly running out.

“Don’t worry about me,” assured Lance, who now lay in a more-or-less comfortable sniper’s position, belly down with his pulse rifle in both hands. “I’m not going anywhere till you come pick me up. Now get everyone out of here.”

Matt tugged at Pidge’s hand, dragging her away from Lance. “Katie, hurry! We gotta go!”

“You, too, Hunk,” Lance said when Hunk stubbornly refused to budge.

“ I’m not leaving my bro behind,” insisted firmly.

“Hunk!” grunted Lance, who shot down two drones with his usual, impeccable marksmanship. “Listen, big guy. Pidge isn’t in a good emotional state now. I need you to keep her grounded and focused on the mission and saving her family. You’re the only one who can protect Pidge and make sure the mission ends smoothly. I’m counting on you Hunk.”

Hunk squeezed his eye shut, trying to keep away the tears. “It’s gonna take us 15 minutes to get to the Lions and nearly as long to get here. You can’t hold out here forever!”

“Don’t diss my shooting skills, you ass!” Lance fired more blasts. “Trust me,” he said jokingly. “I’m a Paladin and I’m here to rescue you.”

“Lance!”

“Oh, and Hunk?” Lance surreptitiously switched off his audio feed so only Hunk could hear him.

“What?”

Lance’s voice turned distant. “Tell Shiro that… tell him: _Patawad. Mahal kita._ ”

Hunk gasped upon hearing that started weeping, for now he understood what Lance was about to do. “Lance, you’re so cruel to me. To all of us!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Trembling with emotion, Hunk finally managed to steel himself. With his jaw clenched in determination, he unhooked several sonic grenades from his utility belt and pressed them into the ground in easy reach for Lance. “You’re gonna need these.”

“Thanks bro. I owe you one. Now go!”

Hunk ran away from his closest friend to catch up with Pidge and the escaped prisoners, tears streaming uncontrollably down his face.

Lance turned his focus back to the next wave of Galra troops, these ones armed with heavy guns. As his pulse rifle bayard morphed and formed a second firing barrel for grenades, he started to whisper words he thought he had long forgotten. Words that he heard over and over again as a young child in a poor but fiercely devout Roman Catholic family in Davao City, the Philippines. But never again after he left Earth and became part of the Voltron crusade against Zarkon and the Galra Empire.

**_“Ama Namin, sumasalangit ka.” Our Father who art in heaven._ **

He loaded and fired a sonic grenade, causing a small explosion coupled with an EMP wave capable of jamming even the most shock-resistant of robots long enough for Lance to blast them to bits.

**_“Sambahin ang ngalan mo.” Hallowed be Thy name._ **

Meanwhile Pidge, armed with her bayard, took the vanguard led Commander Holt, Matt and a dozen or so prisoners through the winding tunnels and herded them into the Green and Yellow Lions. Hunk formed the rear guard, making sure no one strayed behind and constantly looking over his shoulder for enemy troops. And for Lance.

**_“Mapasaamin ang kaharian mo, Sundin ang loob mo, Dito sa lupa para ng sa langit.” Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven._ **

Lance jammed another grenade into his rifle, waiting for the right moment to cause the most damage possible. But before he could launch it, an artillery shot struck nearby and the impact blast threw Lance backwards and slammed him back against a rock outcropping. He let out a strangled cry of pain from the burning agony that erupted anew in his body.

**_“Bigyan mo kami ngayon ng aming kakanin sa araw-araw.” Give us this day our daily bread._ **

The Yellow and Green Lions had to fight their way out to get into the atmosphere. Fortunately, the Castle of Lions soon emerged from cloud cover and rained down support fire to cover.

 _“Hunk! Pidge! Are you alright?”_ came Allura’s voice through the intercom.

“We’ve got the prisoners, but Lance is still inside the caverns!” shouted back Pidge in desperation. “He can’t hold out much longer.”

 _“Lance! Lance? He’s not responding!”_ cried a panicked Coran.

 _“I’m on it,”_ Shiro’s voice transmitted with a crackly background noise, his voice harder than usual. _“Keith, let’s go!”_

_“Gotcha.”_

**_“At patawarin mo kami sa aming mga utang, para ng pagpapatawad namin sa mga nagkakautang sa amin.” And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors._ **

Lance opened his eyes and struggling to see through the red haze of pain clouding his vision, he saw the glowing purple eyes of Galran droid troopers approaching his slowly but surely. His eyes strayed upwards to the tops of the tunnel, which was groaning and getting closer and closer to caving in as the firefight went on.

Blood trickled from the battered Blue Paladin’s small, smart-ass grin and he pointed his pulse rifle not at the approaching enemies, but upwards.

**_“At huwag mo kaming ipahintulot sa tukso, bagkus iadya mo kami sa masama.” And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil._ **

“Die, motherfuckers!” hissed Lance and he shot his last grenade, which struck the tunnel ceiling and exploded, setting off a cave-in. Tonnes of rocks came crashing down, crushing and burying the Galra soldiers and robot fighters.

**_“Sapagkat sa Iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan at ang kaluwalhatian magpasawalanghanggan.” For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever._ **

The Black and Red Lions had just touched down when a shock wave made the ground tremble and a huge plume of dust shoot out of the prison-mine entrance before the cave mouth collapsed in upon itself.

Shiro’s eyes widened at the sight. “LANCE!”

**_Amen._ **

*

**Epilogue**

Up in space a day later, it was a day of great sadness, for even though Pidge was reunited with her family, the price to pay was so great, so painful for Team Voltron to bear.

It was Commander Holt’s suggestion to conduct a military ceremony for the Blue Paladin on the Castle of Lions’ bridge in accordance with Earth’s traditions. Every person was on the bridge that day in uniform.

Lance appeared peaceful and asleep in his transparent Altean hepta-crystal casket, wearing a shiny new suit of battle armour sans helmet.

Pidge, unable to hold back her tears, rushed up to Lance’s side. “Lance! Stop fooling around! Open your eyes and say this is all a joke! Lance!”

Pidge pounded on the crystal encasing one, twice before Hunk caught her hands.

“Let me go!” Pidge writhed and vainly tried to extricate herself from the Yellow Paladin’s iron grip.

“Pidge, enough.” Hunk pulled Pidge close and hugged her so tightly that the little Green Paladin was lifted off her feet. After a while, Pidge gave up fighting Hunk and the two of them wept without reserve, tears dropping onto their chestplates.

Princess Allura had her face pressed against Coran’s shoulder while Coran tried to comfort her while crying and sniffling himself. On Allura’s shoulder were the mice, also comforting each other but grieving for the loss of their friend.

Keith and Shiro wore grim faces, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. The two, with Matt and Commander Holt’s assistance, draped two flags over Lance’s casket: that of Earth’s United Nations and the standard of the Altean royal house.

After a while, Princess Allura composed herself somewhat and with a dignified voice, she announced. “It is time, Paladins.”

Slowly, the four remaining Paladins of Voltron, Princess Allura and Coran took their positions next to Lance’s casket. Allura fired up the mag-lev mechanism so that the coffin floated several inches above the ground and together, the six of them symbolically led the casket out of the bridge. Commander Holt and the other freed civilians followed behind Team Voltron and a slow procession inched down the long corridors of the space castle.

They eventually came to the Black Lion’s docking bay, now crowded in temporarily with the other four Lions as well. The Lions, with their heads raised skywards, formed an arch that led to the external airlock door. As the casket passed under the Lions, they roared in unison, shocking the audience with their own, personal form of a gun salute for the fallen Blue Paladin.

The Paladins and the Alteans folded the two flags into triangles, revealing Lance’s face once again it in his last, eternal sleep. Shiro took both folded flags and gave them to Hunk. “Hunk, you’re Lance’s best and oldest friend.”

Hunk gently pushed the flags back to Shiro. “No, Shiro,” Hunk said, between sobs. “As much as I want to, I know Lance too well. He would’ve wanted you to have them.”

He turned to Pidge.

“I agree with Hunk. You should keep them.”

Keith, now hugging himself and looking smaller than ever, said with a broken voice, “Lance was the closest to you, Shiro.”

Shiro turned to Allura, who shook her head.

“You too, Princess?”

Allura, wiping tears from her eyes, put on a brave smile and said, “Lance was dear to all of us and he loved us all, but his feelings for you were special. I concur with your fellow Paladins, Shiro. You should keep the flags, at least for now. We will defeat Zarkon for Lance, and all of us will return to your planet Earth and give the flags to his family, and tell them that he was the bravest and kindest hero the known universe will ever have the honour of knowing.”  
  
Shiro swallowed hard. “I understand.” He tucked the flags neatly under his arm.

The cortege left the airlock and from a control panel within the castle ship, Coran programmed the flight trajectory of Lance’s casket-pod, aimed towards the star of the solar system they were currently in. After a few minutes of tapping on the console, all was left was to push one last key. Coran turned sideways and said, “At your command, Princess.”

Princess Allura nodded to Commander Holt. Commander Holt snapped his heels together, squared his shoulders and barked, “Paladins! Atten-tion!”

The four Paladins followed Commander Holt’s lead, standing straight and in a single line, eyes fixed ahead at Lance’s casket in the airlock.

“Salute!”

Everyone, including the Alteans, raised they right hand to their brow, saluting the brave warrior that they were about to send off on his final flight.

Fighting back tears, Princess Allura ordered, “Open the airlock.”

“Opening airlock.”

There was a whine of alarms and the outer airlock hatch opened.

“Launch the pod.”

“Launching pod.”

The thrusters of the pod fired up and it shot out of the hatch and into space with its precious cargo, before correcting its trajectory to head to the sun.

Once the pod was too far away too be seen by the naked eye, Pidge bent over and dropped onto all fours, sobbing. Hunk got down beside Pidge and gave her a hug, and he too cried.

For a long time, everyone stayed, mourned. But it could not be for ever, for Zarkon would not stop the war even for one tick. So after a time the civilians left, as did Matt and Commander Holt and Pidge, Allura and Coran. Keith gave Shiro’s shoulder a final tap and left, swiping over and over again at his teary eyes.

Finally, it was just Hunk and Shiro, staring out through the transparent panes of the airlocks into the black, endless space.

“Shiro,” Hunk said after a long moment of silence.

“What is it?”

“I was the last one to see Lance alive.” Hunk turned to Shiro. “For the record, I did not approve of what he did, but Pidge has her family back now because of Lance. Also, his last words to me were to pass a message to you.”

Hunk fixed a serious gaze on Shiro, who met him with an equally level look.

Then Hunk spoke. But it was not Hunk’s voice that Shiro heard, but Lance’s. Lance’s voice, filled with a gentleness and affection that he shared only with Shiro and no one else. And for the first time since the end of the mission on Alto-Sigma 5, tears fell freely from Shiro’s eyes. The memory of Lance’s smile, the sound of his voice, the softness of his kiss, all danced behind Shiro’s clenched eyelids and he sank to his knees, his human hand clutching tightly around the crucifix hanging from his neck. Lance’s crucifix, the younger boy’s most prized possession, given to the man he loved more than anything in the universe.

_“Patawad. Mahal kita.”_

_I’m sorry. I love you._

-End-

 

**Author's Note:**

> (Cross-posted from my Tumblr)  
> Yup, Filipino!Lance. I’m not Filipino but Malaysian, by the way, but coding Lance as a Southeast Asian just felt like something I had to do and somehow just felt right with Lance’s love for the beach and fun.
> 
> The prayer he recited is Ama Namin, the Tagalog (Filipino) translation of the Lord’s Prayer or Pater Noster, a Christian prayer found in the New Testament and said to have been taught by Jesus to his disciples. Filipinos are mainly Catholic Christians and very devoutly so, so I don’t think it’s any surprise that Lance is religious, too. I’m not a Catholic myself, but through my observations, I find that devout Catholics are highly attached to their crucifix, a very personal symbol of their faith. To give one’s own crucifix to another is super rare and is a sign of great love and respect for the recipient. In this vein, Shiro having Lance’s crucifix is an image Lance’s deep love for Shiro.
> 
> Honestly, it was difficult to write this; I’ve never written angst like this before and I hope it didn’t come out too contrived. Oh well, practice makes perfect and all that whatnot.
> 
> The recitation of the prayer interspersed between bits of action was my attempt at slowing down time like in Hollywood movies and to give it a slightly surreal feeling, but I’m not sure if I was successful at that. I got the Tagalog lines off Wikipedia and ran them thru Google Translate to check if they actually made sense, so hopefully they are correct. If any Tagalog-speaking readers would like to point out any typos, I would be happy to accept your comments and fix it up! Thanks so much for reading! My next Shance fic will be a happier one, I promise!


End file.
